:: Shout My Heart Out ::

Insya-Allah, next week around this time I will already be somebody’s wife.. The day that myself and dear fiance has been waiting and looking fwd. I seek from all of u to pray for me… I have to admit yes I am nervous and at the same time I’m stress, scared and sad… I’m nervous because I donno wat to expect on that actual day.. I just hope everything will go on well.

I am stress because my exam is nearing. I’ll be sitting for my first paper this Monday and 17 Nov the 2nd paper.. Oh how dreadful… I can’t study cos there are several things in my mind.. I’ve been thinking too much…. I didn’t dare to share it with anyone not even to my own buddy.

I’m sad because I’ll be leaving my family.. I will no longer be staying with them.. I gonna miss those days that I quarrelled with them. The support they gave me.. The help… The happy moment with my little nephew.. He will be the one I’m gonna miss the most… I teared every time I tink of all the moments.. Dad cant depend on me anymore neither do mum.. Ok, thats very saddening…

From everyone of you, I seek all of u to pray together with me. Pray that everything will go on well. May I have a blissful marriage.. Insya-Allah.

I don’t know to be happy, sad or worried.. I’m just confused and having the mix feelings. It seems that time has fly very fast.. Without me realising it, this is already the month of September. And that means, I’m left with only 2mths + before the big day comes.. Most of the tings that I need to settle, has more or less settled. Just waiting for the day patiently to come by… I’ve even booked and settled abt my honeymoon.. Looking forward for it.. Hong Kong, here I come…

2 Weeks time, here comes Hari Raya which something that I don’t look fwd every year…

Kejam kelip hari ni dah masuk hari yang ke-7 umat Islam berpuasa… Wah cepat betul masa berlalu. Sedang aku sibuk menyelesaikan kerja-kerja yang patut dihabiskan, teman-teman setempat kerjaku sibuk mendengar lagu raya… Haiz, dahlah buat sedih je… Bila fikir-fikir balik, tahun ni tahun yang terakhir aku akan berada di rumah keluargaku sendiri pada pagi raya… Oh no, I can’t imagine the feeling… Mesti sedih… I hate that kind of feeling…

Oh ye bukan itu sahaja… Nmpknya tahun ni mcm aku akan beraya seorang lagi di rumah seperti tahun lalu…. ERrrmmm aku rasa gembira atau sedih?

Alhamdulillah, aku dapat bertemu Ramadan sekali lagi…. Aku beruntung. Seperti biasa, tiada perbezaan antara Ramadan dahulu dan kini. Hanya kali ini, aku agak sibuk sedikit dengan pelbagai persiapan bukan utk Hari Raya tapi untuk hari kebesaran ku sendiri nanti dan sibuk dengan pelajaran aku.

Kadang-kadang waktu berbuka tu, terasa juga sedih.. Tahun ini merupakan tahun terakhir aku akan berbuka bersama keluarga ku di rumah setiap hari. Tahun hadapan, aku akan bersama keluarga lain.. Insya-allah. Sahur tiada lagi orang untuk membawa secawan air ke katil untukku yang sedang nyenyak tidur nanti… (*Hint* *hint* untuk seseorang. ) Daddy tidak pernah lupa untuk membawa air untukku apabila aku malas nk bangun untuk sahur.. Tahun depan, terpaksalah orang lain yang buat keje ni… Apa-apa pun aku rasa amat gembira Ramadan ini…

What happened to the whole month of July? Errrmm was very busy.. SIM started, wedding preps on the ball and blah blah blah.. Didnt really had much time for myself. Wat’s worst now is, it is already Aug! And I have lotsa of unfinish work… SIM TMAs datelines to meet… It has been every week finishing TMAs that I dont even get to enjoy my weekends.. No more hoooray huuuuraaay weekends.. Aft TMAs, busy with settling weding stuffs.. Shopping? Huh! Worst…. No time.. Would only shop when I really need to get smting… Bad bad bad…

Wat ever it is, I’ve been going through a hell time for the past few weeks! Thanks to some bitch that really make me go crazy! Wat ever it is, I’m glad that it is all done and patiently waiting for the Big Day. Well peeps, time for me to finish up my 2nd TMA! Happy National Day

Tak pernah pun aku terfikir yang apa aku harapkan selama ini akan menjadi kenyataan. I’ve always wanted both parents to go out together so that they could understand each other better. Well, God made it happend yesterday. Initial plan was just to go Jb to get our wedding stuffs. Al-maklumlah, dalam kegawatan ekonomi, shopping at JB can really helps tu save a lot ;).

Sorry ye, entry kali ni agak ML-EL sikit.. Hahaha.. Met up at 8.30 and off we headed to the checkpoint. On our way, biasalah both daddys and mummys were talking to each other and planning where to head first and wat to get… Mcm maner ntah, bpk aku ni bleh sound “ni kalau gi Air Hitam bagus ni… Hj bwk teksi niari? Saya tk bwk.. Kalau haji tk bwk kita gi air hitam.” I was liked in my heart “Eh biar betul bpk aku ni.” Skali bakal bapa mertua ku lak, ckp ok… Aiseyman! Menjadi jugak org tua tu.. Apa lagi, bila both sides ckp ok, kita ni dua org anak-anak kat belakang nk ckp apa.. Ikut je lah…

Then we went to Larkin, got wat ever we needed and headed to Air Hitam… It was a great outing. Seems that both sides could get along very well. I’m really glad. One ting that I’m sad abt is, my dear really got me into deep trouble. Well, it is just him and quiet and not the chatty kind and I don’t blame him. While me? I’m the opposite.. So apa lagi, balik je mak aku soundlah.. she says lah i shld talk less lah this lah that lah since my dear is soo quiet. I shld be the one talking less and not him… Haizzz sayang intan payung…Kenapalah awak ni pendiam sangat.. Sekarang saya kena control sikit conversations… But overall, we really had so much fun! Thanks GOD for making it happened

I’ve been enduring with so many tings that happened around me. I tried to be the best but I know I cant. I cant lie to myself… I looked happy but deep inside I really feel very hurt by the harsh words and actions done upon me. Yes, I do admit that most of the times I do say harsh words to others but its just me cos I hate to lie to myself or pretend to like or do tings that I find it ridiculous. I hate doing things that really needs lotsa of my time and energy. I hate to be stressed. But sad to say, I’m doomed! I’m already in the stress, irritated, frustrated, ignorant and can’t be bothered mode!

I didn’t mean those words that I said just now, but i was forced too. I hate people putting words into my mouth! Yeah I hate it cos I am not like any other children! I knw I’m a sinner. I do lotsa of wrg things but like i said, I’m forced too… I’m a person who won’t disturb others if others don’t disturb me. I hate to be disturbed and irritated. Well this time round, my entry maybe suppper long cos so many unhappiness that I couldnt share with others I wish to pen it down here..

1st of all abt people around me who has been controlling my life and saying tings abt me! People say I’m arrogant and proud! Yes, I admit.. But who makes me to be like this? Asked urself people! Like I said u dont disturb me I will be nice to you.. I hate people talking abt me when I dont disturb them. I hate people tracking my activities or arranging my life! I’m not  a robot!

2nd, can’t people tink of my feelings! Its my wedding. I want the best for it and i know I cant afford a grand wedding and thats not as if I wish to have a grand one. All i asked was a simple but memorable one for my wedding. Its one for a lifetime sey. I happened to read a friend’s blog who wrote abt hw she felt on her wedding day due to glitches! Trust me, I may just end up like her. Frankly, I’m nt happy with most of the preparations cos I cudn’t get the way I want it to be. So many comments and opinions made. The bad thing was, I’m the one paying for some services and I dont get it due to other people opinions. Feel like a shit ok! Even choosing my own wedding card! Damn! I didnt get my choice. Wat ever it is, I pretended to be happy cos I always remmbrd wat my friends n cuzzy tld me, “its just  a wedding card anyway. Make others happy” Sigh!

The design of my decor! And even the colour.. Errrkk.. Only part of the colour was my choice! Anyway smhw it  was totally not my choice. I chose it cos I didnt wat others to be unhappy! Let me be alone feel the unhappiness. Next will be choosing the wedding outfits! Shit another shitty decision that I have to make! I hate these!!!!!

Next, people are talking abt hw I looked like! I know I’m not pretty. I have acne, pimples and scars all over my face! But i dare not take the risk of repairing my face! So much money is involved! Is that a need! Oh please, who wouldnt want to be pretty everyone does, but i really dont have the time and money!

My time has to be shared to so many people and commitments that I have! I dont even have the time for my own to rest! If I dont go out with A, starts the long faces. If I dont go out with B, starts the comments made! I need time for myself! I need to rest! I need to settle my stuffs! Sad to say, I’m not enjoying my June holidays cos I was not given the chance! Deep in me, I’m crying loudly but no one knows!

People says that “I’m a minah kawin kawin” Yes so be it! People look at me, as though I am very excited to get married! I’m not ok! I’m not! I want to be freed! But do anyone knows the reason why am I so into it. NO ONE! NOT EVEN MY FAMILY MEMBERS! EVERYONE THINKS I CANT WAIT TO GET MARRIED! NO I’M NOT.. I’M JUST STRESS WITH ALL THE SHITS IN MY LIFE THAT IS HAPPENING! I WISH AFTER MY MARRIAGE IT WILL SUBSIDE! THATS THE REASON I WANNA GET MARRIED! I’M DESPERATE TO BE FREED! NOT TO GET MARRIED!

I’m counting down! Yeah, the semester is coming to an end! My first semester in SIM has finally come to an end. The examination ended yesterday. I’m not hoping for much.. Just a pass is all that I’m hoping for…. Crossing my fingers.

The next counting down is to the June holidays! Yahooo, 5 more wrking days and I should declare sch holiday! Really looking fwd for that too And that means, half of the year gone! Wow, how time passes very fast…

Yesterday, received sms from my ex-sec friend saying that she is getting married in Nov.. Thank goodness its not the same date as mine.. So we get to see each others wedding…

And today, my NIE friend had given birth to her first baby. Congratulations to u Ain and Fadhly! May baby Zikry will be a  filial son!

Looking fwd for more happy news coming up!

Sweetheart,

I have to admit that I missed you very much. Everytime I see ur friends, they reminded me of you. I knw I have done you wrong in the past until something happened to you. I criticised you, I disliked you very much despite you being a great companion to me. I now began to realise how much u mean a lot to me. You have been my wonderful companion. You brought me everywhere I wanted to go. Never even once you rejected my wishes. Regardless of how tired you were, rain or shine, you were always the willing party to bring me to my destination.

I’m sorry for the pain that I brought upon you. But trust me, I didn’t mean to hurt you badly. I promised that I will take care of you very well! Welcome back my sweetheart…..

Thank goodness that no one was injured! People in the car were myself, sis and mum. I had my first car accident on 02 May 2009 along Tampines Avenue 4. The driver was me! This was how the accident happened. I was driving along Tampines Avenue 4 to go over to my fiance’s plc. Then I stopped at the traffic light as I wanted to turn right. Few seconds when I stopped, I was talking with my mum when a big lorry who was driven by an old chinese man bang on the rear part of my car! Oh man! When I heard the loud bang, my first reaction was “Damn! Confirm dented!” Never did I expected that it was badly damaged. So me and the driver alighted, I went to the rear and saw this:-

So, I told the driver maybe we should go to the nearest carpark to settle the situation. I then called Dad for rescue. Thank goodness, the driver was a nice man. He was panicked. So I didnt shouted at him cos he looked very nervous. WE settled there and then.. Poor him, he was actually on his way to deliver furniture. Watever it is, he apologised and we brought the car to the workshop! Well now, the family is without our own car for at least 2 weeks or so.